I can’t believe I’m about to quote an 18-year-old, but here goes:
This is one of the first things I read this morning (when I got up at 4:45, yay me!). I’ve been thinking a lot about social media and its place in my lifey. Like many people, I have a love/hate relationship with it. When I’m feeling good about myself and what I’m doing, it’s fun to see everyone’s posts of their good times. And I’m not naive enough to think that Facebook or Instagram is actually what people’s lives are like all the time; I know that they, like me, are only posting the best stuff, curating the parts of their lives they share with others.
But comparison is inevitable, and comparing my occasional blue days with other people’s super fun amazing social weekends can be almost devastating. That happened this weekend, and caused me to pretty much waste an entire Sunday feeling sorry for myself and being a jerk face to my husband. I mean, I felt too lousy to even go shopping with my Mom, which is basically a tragedy 😉
I woke up yesterday with the intention of staying off social sites all day. But then my little nephew came over in his raincoat and frog boots and we splashed in the puddles, and I took a bunch of pictures, and how could I not share the cuteness? And then how could I not obsessively check to see how many likes my photo was getting on Instagram and Facebook? I mean, I need validation, right?!
So my no-social-media resolution lasted about 4 hours. Sigh.
This morning I really really wanted to reset my alarm to 5:15 when it went off at 4:45. I picked up my phone and bargained with myself: don’t hit snooze; don’t sleep any later; fine, go ahead and look at Facebook or something until you’re all the way awake. And pretty much immediately I started feeling jealous. A friend posted about a new job she had gotten, one that she will be PERFECT for, and I was jealous. I had to force myself to “like” her post. What’s that about? I knew how unhappy she was in her old role. What has she done to me? Nothing. Why am I not just happy for her? Is it because I’m not happy with my new job? WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME?
I’ve been feeling the stirrings of a need for something else, for something bigger or deeper, for something to focus on and grow other than my physical appearance and my stuff. It’s lovely to have the luxury of buying new furniture and building a new deck and picking out the watch I want for Christmas. I am filled with gratitude to be at this point in my life. But I know it’s all just on the surface, and it’s not making me happy. If anything, it might be making me feel sadder (and a bit pathetic). It’s time to start looking inward. I’ll be honest: this terrifies me. I’m so scared of what I will find. But it’s been making its presence known for awhile, and I know there’s no avoiding it.
So, for now, Baby steps! Start journaling. Read a couple of books. Stay off Facebook. STAY OFF FACEBOOK. (I just deleted the app from my phone. That should help.) Be more social. This is a little tough right now, since we just moved away from all our friends and I mostly work from home (aka I’m alone all day, which isn’t helping), but I need to make the effort. Spend less time online.
What are your thoughts on social media? Does blogging count? Have you ever taken a break from Facebook?