This has been an odd week at work. My manager told me that Tuesday was the worst day he’s had at our company since he’s been there (over 6 years). There are some cross-team dynamics that are playing out not in our favor, and it’s demoralizing and frustrating. Yesterday I felt really depressed all day. Nothing I tried helped me to shake it off. When work life becomes that much of my personal life, I believe it is truly time for a change.
I’ve talked about wanting this change previously on this blog, but I will be honest and say that I just haven’t felt completely motivated to make the change. The truth is that I adore the company I work for. As my manager said, I really drink the brand kool-aid. I don’t want to leave. And my current role on my team is a very safe place for me. I’m a standout and I’m lucky enough to mostly create my own projects and choose what I want to be working on. Writing these things makes me feel a little crazy for wanting a change.
But the other truth is that I’m not growing, and that my frustration with that and with some of my team members is causing me to behave in unprofessional ways. In short, my attitude sucks. And after what happened this week, I don’t see things getting better and I don’t want to get myself in any trouble.
The good news is, I am having coffee today with a co-worker who has just moved to another team that I might be interested in joining. I don’t have the exact experience, but I’m considering taking a small step back so I can learn that aspect of the business and then move forward in that space. I also have a phone interview with an old boss tomorrow, for a marketing technology start-up. Again, this could be a step back, but the growth potential sounds promising.
I have my annual review this morning. I expect it will go well (with the possible exception of my recent attitude problem, oops), and I’m hoping we’ll be getting news soon about our annual bonus. I also feel like the recent events will help my boss to understand that I am interested in making a change. I will feel less guilty about looking for other roles within my current company. Plus next week we’re offsite, so I’m looking forward to some team bonding. That will at least be a much-needed break from the office.