I wanted to be sure I wrote about this today. I am officially burned out. This was a tough week mentally, as I had committed to being on a panel, discussing 2015 predictions for our industry. The fact that it was for my peers made it even more challenging, since we were speaking to people who are very knowledgeable about the topic. I am not comfortable being the center of attention, and I have little confidence in my speaking skills. My brain has a horrible tendency to completely go blank. Fun times! So I think that, coupled with the challenges I’ve given myself so far this month, is causing me to feel a little bit over all the restriction. Also, my boss gave us free tickets to a basketball game (in a “party suite,” no less) on Friday night, and it just felt really good to let loose for awhile – drinks, bad food, late night out with my husband. And we didn’t have to feel guilty about spending money because it was free!
The good news is, I hated how I felt yesterday, after drinking too much and eating so many salty things and not going to bed on time. We were supposed to run six miles yesterday, but we rescheduled that for today. So I pretty much felt crappy all day, and I know I’ll continue to feel crappy if I don’t get right back on track.
We’ll be heading out for our run shortly, and I’m going to eat well today and limit the booze to a glass of wine or two. I guess I’m just wondering how to maintain balance. If I say no to everything, I’ll become resentful and I’ll be more likely to cheat/fail/get off track/whatever I should call that. I want to be gentle with myself, to nourish myself, and to take pleasure in that. I want to think of exercising, eating well, and getting lots of sleep in the same way I think of shopping sprees, mimosas, and pizza delivery. I suppose a lot of this is just the ongoing process of growing up, maturing, living and learning. A lot of it is retraining my brain and remembering what I want the most. Delayed gratification. But then I know it’s important to also give myself a break now and then. The trick is maybe not too much of a break? Or find a non-self-destructive break?
I don’t have the answer right now, but I’m glad I’m aware of this and can start working towards a solution. I hope that owning my burnout is the right first step. Looking back, I definitely hit a wall when making changes, and I’m pretty sure this isn’t unique to me. Something to think about during my long run today 🙂